Ok so today we’re going to cover a topic that many would rather not.
Like just not take it there…….
But we my friends, we aren’t high performing entrepreneurs for no reason. So ya, lets take it there ;)
The first step one can take in not projecting their fears (also known as insecurities) onto their businesses, would be that they would have to set their ego aside and simply
1. Become aware of these fears/insecurities:
This requires and calls for a certain type of person to be fully aware of and ok with the fact that they will have to face some inner wounds and battles in order to feel like they’ve made any level of peace with these fears. Now these fears can relate to almost anything you can possibly think of, ranging anywhere from identity, health and career to one’s relationships(both personal and professional).
2. Consider why these fears exist:
You see part of uncovering these fears comes with a set of rules and with those rules comes the need to better understand why these limiting beliefs exist in the first place. This step will certainly take you some time to work through, so its best to just sit down with yourself, grab a piece of paper n pen and truly write out each and every fear that you area currently aware of within the four areas of life (1) identity (2) health (3) career (4) relationships.
3. Notice what triggers you to think/feel this certain way:
While you’re going through this list of fears, you’ll notice and become more aware of what simply makes you, you. This will help you better understand why certain thoughts, memories, events, people or experiences amy trigger you to feel or a think in a way that your old self(who first picked up on this fear) would believe is the right way to think or feel. The more you can better understand these triggers, the sooner you’re able to decipher the validity in your current life as well as the life you’re working towards building for yourself.
4. Why do you feel the need to think/feel this certain way:
When we make the transition over to this next step, we begin to really go deeper into the reasoning we’ve placed onto these fears, that we at one point we believed so deeply in. This is where we start to find the deeper meaning behind it all. The more we dig deep, the deeper we feel we need to go. This is where we’ll start to pull in our own core values into the equation so we can determine if the fears that currently exist with us truly align with the core values our conscious and present self believes in most, or if we need some spring cleaning to do.
5. Consider 3 different alternatives:
This final step is where you make the decision on your own to come up with three different alternative solutions that you feel would help you get closer to your end goal more effectively. This is where you would have to evaluate what healthy outlets do you find yourself gravitating to most and from that list, come up with at least three that you feel would help distract you from feeling or thinking along those fears. Mindful tip: we are referring to healthy outlets here and please be aware that you’re making these choices consciously, to avoid further development of these fears down the road. To take this final step a bit further, consult with a trusted source on how they can also assist you out of these mental and emotional paths. Whether they be a professional or personal party, utilize your relationships to help you make the needed transitions accordingly.
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For the sake of applying these steps into some real life coaching, the second half of this blog will be focused on a client of mine(we’ll call her Cheryl, for the sake of maintaining her privacy).
To provide some context, Cheryl starting working with me at the age of 52. She had also been an avid painter and found much peace in her work. Since her retirement, Cheryl started painting on a daily basis and found that it really helped her better deal with some of her own limiting beliefs and fears that much to her surprise, stemmed from her early childhood. Her husband has passed a few years back and since then has felt that painting was her only way of truly connecting with him. Although painting was an avenue that she enjoyed much, she realized she wanted more of a challenge and excitement in life. After speaking it over with some successful friends of hers that had owned a number of businesses, she decided that she’d want to begin selling her work online and create online courses to help others tap into her work as a form of therapy as well.
As the months progressed, Cheryl was able to make tremendous strides with her aspiration and within the first year, she had sold more that she’d expected. Now many would call her a success and inspiration, however she didn’t see it that way. Cheryl struggled with a number of fears that she later(with the help of painting) realized held her back. One of those biggest fears was the feeling that it was “too late” and she was “too old” to want more excitement out of life. She felt the need to comply by societal rules and just revert back to just painting and spending a few days out of the month with some of her family and friends.
So this is where it all started. When she came to me, I had her look over all areas of her life and dissect the fears that exist in the main fours and we would start our coaching sessions from there.
1. Become aware of these fears/insecurities:
When we started out with this specific step, Cheryl was in a good place. She had the mindset of a champion and truly took full accountability for everything in her life(which is super important in order for one to fully grasp the prize here). She began sharing with me the four areas that I asked her to look deeper into and explained what bothered her in each. From here, we were then able to tie it all in to help makes better sense.
a) identity: she feels she was “too old” to want/do more and that she should just focus on maintaining her friends/family for the rest of her life being that her husband is now gone
b) health: she feels great for her age but at times waters down her abilities in front of her friends so she doesn't make them feel bad about how much they’ve aged
c) career: she has been retired for a number of years now and feels this new aspiration of hers excites her but also scares her more than she’d hoped; mainly because of how it makes her appear in front of others
d) relationships: she has always had great relationships with her friends and family and has always found joy from the connections and relationships she’s built over the years
Now when we look over these fears that were organized in these four areas, one can’t help but see this beautiful kind soul, who so badly wants to do more and have more excitement and thrill in her life but often times shies away from taking the spotlight for fear of rejection and judgment. Its no surprise to see how all of the above fears lead to the main fear that’s holding Cheryl back: the feeling of being “too old” to pursue an online painting business.
2. Consider why these fears exist:
The why behind this step places much emphasis on the need for Cheryl to dive deep into herself and come up with the main reasons behind her fears. This step definitely took more time than the previous, but the results on the other end helped her more than she once believed.
a) identity: she feels she was “too old” to want/do more and that she should just focus on maintaining her friends/family for the rest of her life being that her husband is now gone
WHY: She wants to feel “normal” and has this belief that she should “act her age” and now that she’s a widow, she should just keep a low key lifestyle (this stems from her traditional upbringing of a woman not needing to do much, without her husband present)
b) health: she feels great for her age but at times waters down her abilities in front of her friends so she doesn't make them feel bad about how much they’ve aged
WHY: She doesn't like to make others feel bad, so if she is doing well in something she’d rather not talk about it and just keep it to herself to avoid any judgement (this stems from her parents telling her about the importance of being quite about one’s strengths).
c) career: she has been retired for a number of years now and feels this new aspiration of hers excites her but also scares her more than she’d hoped; mainly because of how it makes her appear in front of others
WHY: Cheryl has never had the spotlight at any point in her life and the only person that made her feel she did was her husband. But now that he’s gone, she doesn't feel safe enough to do it without him around.
d) relationships: she has always had great relationships with her friends and family and has always found joy from the connections and relationships she’s built over the years
WHY: She is by nature, a very kind lady. She does all she can to help her friends and family and will often times put their needs before hers(something her mother taught her to do-that she doesn't always agree with).
Can you see where a lot of this is stemming from? Often times during my coaching experience, I’ve come across people of all ages who are still surprised by how much their childhood and their parents beliefs still have an impact on them(despite how old they are). It's fair to say that in this case, Cheryl’s childhood and the traditional beliefs that he parents brought her up with need to be flushed out and in place of that, new and liberating beliefs need to be planted.
3. Notice what triggers you to think/feel this certain way:
In terms of triggers, the ones that seem to bother Cheryl the most are just the idea of her feeling that now that she wants to do something different and scary(and despite how much success she’s already had), she is still afraid to pursue it any further due to this feeling of being judged by others her age and older. She feels like the “too old” fear mainly comes from her childhood and the belief that once one passes the age of 50, they should just focus on their friends, family and health. Anytime a client of hers wants to post a review of her work, it terrifies her and she politely asks them not to. Deep down she feels that if her husband was still around, she’d be able to with the backbone that she needed to peruse this dream.
4. Why do you feel the need to think/feel this certain way:
This step required Cheryl to take her understandings from above to another level, to a degree she didn’t know she was capable of before. She shared with me that being she came from a very traditional household, she was always told that from her father’s home and then goes off and started her new family with her husband. In other words, she always believed that she needed a protective man around to provide her stability and a backbone. Now that is considered a “widow,” she feels that its her duty to just stay quiet and out of the outside noise. Painting inside her home, by herself and maybe some friends and family was her way of just that.
However being she is breaking free from these limiting beliefs and fears, Cheryl now feels the need to release those old beliefs and want to find the strength from within herself(for the first time in her life), to foully accept and embrace her new life path. She realizes that now both her parents and husband have passed, she owes it to herself to fully enjoy her remaining years and do all that she wished she’d do but was always afraid to.
5. Consider 3 different alternatives:
For Cheryl, the 3 alternatives consisted of the following: (1) continue painting (2) get self-esteem/biz coaching (3) read and development her understanding of herself, through a self-development practice that she recently adapted. In just a matter of weeks, Cheryl started to notice a new and improved version of herself take place in her reality. She started to share her insight and findings with her friends and family. She continued sessions with me and every call she hoped on, she came with a list of questions on how she can deeper develop her understanding of herself even further. Just like the rest of us here, the more she learned about herself, the more she kneeled in for more.
Cheryl went on to be one of the most successful painting instructors and online business owners in her area. She now has hired an assistant to help with her courses and all things digital. She gets to do what she loves; to paint and to share that inspiration with others in hopes of helping them also heal and find the truth from within.
Most recently, she’s shared with me that she’s incorporated self-development exercises into her painting classes and has noticed a bigger turn out and client satisfaction rates overall. Cheryl is a true inspiration to us all. To not just face the uncomfortable, but to also dive deep. Deep within ourselves(despite our age) and find what’s holding us back, detach any power from it and make peace so one can truly and fully live the life they were meant to live; in hopes of one day leaving the legacy that they want to leave behind.
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Until next time my friends, keep your head up and know that whatever “obstacle” that comes your way throughout your business journey, its really just a blessing in disguise.
XO
-Bauer
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