As some of us may know, competition can be the culprit of many of our inner battles. It can rob us of our joy and make us feel and think things that our normal conscious selves would not approve of.
Like many of us, Tammi was right there. When she first reached out to me, it was very obvious that was one of the main indicators behind some of her challenges.
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Tammi was a marketing consultant for a couple different agencies and she operated with a great deal of fear and a need to always compare herself to others. Whether that be other professionals in her industry, or those outside of it.
Now of course this unconscious comparison game she played in her mind, didn’t just come from nowhere. Much like many of our own internal battles, the one that Tammi had been paying was one that started from her early years.
She shared with me, how she grew up always looking for a reason to make herself feel better. It wasn’t until later on in her life that she realized a large portion of that came from her inner desire to compete with others in her field.
That being said, she found herself in a place of no satisfaction in any of her pursuits. She had achieved almost every goal she had set for herself, yet had no way of measuring her fulfillment in her work. She noticed herself feeling like she had hit a wall in something that she once called her passion.
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Once we were able to dig deeper into her mindset and her background, we then began to create an action plan on how we’d proceed forward in helping her build a more healthy relationship with her inner desire to compete n get back the passion she once had for marketing.
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We broke that process down into the following steps.
1. Evaluated the term competition and what that meant to her.
This is where she shared with me how she had always viewed it and how it played a role in her career. Soon enough, it became news to her that it played out in her personal life as well. (However I’m sure if you’re reading that, that wasn’t as much of a surprise to you in knowing that).
Once Tammi was able to truly map out what competition meant in her mind, she began to connect the dots on how many times it played out in her life. This ranged anywhere from how she would always try to one-up the next person at her agency to outdo something one of her friends or family members did.
2. Began to look for the good in competition and take it from a more positive approach.
To help her make the mental shift, we began to look at it from a different perspective. She shared how competition was important to her so we started to look at it from a different end and instead of viewing it from an angle of comparing herself to others, we started to begin looking at how things would change in her life if she were to compare her current self to her old self and better yet, compare her current self to her new self; as in the person she aspired to become.
Once we were able to do this, that is when things really started to shift for her. She was no longer looking for ny form of attention or validation from the outside world, but rather just from the inside world.
3. We looked for ways to still remain stable and successful in her role.
We did this by focusing on what she was most strong in. This is where we started to list out her best attributes and what she felt she did the greatest at. Meaning not only was the focus more on herself now, but she began to build a relationship with her highest self where her best qualities shined.
We also began to list out what made her great at what she did. I began to ask her questions along the lines of, “why would a stranger pick you over another professional in the marketing field?” This helped her begin to develop a strong respect and clear understanding of what she did so well at and why she did it; which only opened the doors even further for more goodness to pour out.
4. We came up with ways to still show support and happiness when others shine.
This was a bit difficult for her, as now the focus was turned internally more than ever before. But I helped her see how when we experience goodness in life, it's meant to be shared. Granted yes to be shared with those closest to us, but also to those who we don’t have the closest ties with. I helped her recognize where and how sharing our goodness with others, only brings more goodness back around. It helps others see the beauty in the world and only makes them want to pay it forward, and do the same in return.
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By going over these four steps a few times, it didn’t take long for Tammi to truly see the good in herself, in competition and in being authentic to oneself.
She later shared with me how this helped her overcome her need to always gain the impression of others and that she no longer needed that external validation. In turn, her career only grew exponentially and the relationships she was involved in professionally blossomed as a result.
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Until next time my friends, keep your head up and know that whatever “obstacle” comes your way throughout your business journey, it's really just a blessing in disguise.
XO
-Bauer
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